The Rabbi's Story

The Rabbi's Story

Slow Child at Work

Zachary, almost one year old, sits on the floor playing with a pull-toy. I am a 51 year old father, two children in college, dismissed by the child's mother just after she discovered her pregnancy, who rather than engage me to discuss Zachary's needs, her needs, ...my needs, went directly to court to seek maximum child support. 51 years old, ...at the peak of my earning potential, growing older, the California Superior Court offers no consideration to the college expenses I shoulder for my two other sons; they are termed "adult children." The court pays no heed to how a support order of more than $2,100 per month will impact my ability to support my "adult children" through college, save for retirement, and later to survive as an older adult when I am unable to work. ...And in addition to $2,173 per month after taxes--more than $3000 per month before taxes, I must also pay 19% of any capital gains or other taxable benefits (before taxes)--bonuses, etc. to the mother. All this is done under the rubric of ensuring that the child should have a comparable standard of living as if he were living with both parents. And I should mention that were I to marry again and be unable to meet support requirements that my new spouse's income could be tapped. Last, apparently irrelevant in the court's eyes, is consideration that the mother was convicted by a jury of falsely accusing an ex-husband, ...and father of another child, of sexual abuse of that child--a charge, would it have been substantiated, that carries with it prison time and possible chemical castration in California. She was ordered to pay several hundreds of thousands of dollars in damages and judge-assessed punitive damages. ...So functionally, she then tricked another man--me--into paying for her court-assessed damages. ...But what of the child? Zachary sits playing on the floor, almost one, twisting and crushing paper. Alternatively he grimaces and squeals; ...I wonder if I'll have another diaper to change soon. He smiles at me as I type, and my time with him this week has almost ended. I guess I am a religious man, after all I am a rabbi. Thoughts go through my head, "Why did this child choose such an ignominious birth?" "Why me, --I thought I understood who this woman was?" I believed her when she said that the chances of her pregnancy were "a million to one," less than "the pill," less than using a condom or even a vasectomy. I mean, I am a rabbi; no one would lie to me!? I trusted her enough to pursue a loving, and what I thought was, a mutually affirming relationship. How could I have chosen so badly, chosen a woman who treats another human being, a rabbi and father of her child, in such a self-centered, self-serving fashion? Pregnancy. Two people discuss what will be. They decide how to go forward. There is consideration for each other's needs, each other's family situations. Throughout her pregnancy she refused to see me. She refused to discuss her financial needs. She had me served with court papers on Rosh Hashanah. "Talk to my lawyer," she said. "I'll take only what the court says." She wrote in her complaint that I was not there when she gave birth; she failed to mention that she never called me when she gave birth. This is so hard to write. I feel taken advantage of; I deeply seek to honor the child's birth and try to do that, seeing the child regularly and imagine seeking joint-custody, ...despite the potentially adverse impact it will make on my career and what I wanted in life at this stage. I feel embarrassment that I could have been caught in this sticky web. I find it hard to imagine that any woman will ever wish to date me seriously. It is hard to believe that a human being can treat another human being so badly. Bottom lines: bad representation by a major law firm; a so... self-centered mother; years ahead of court appearance for increases or adjustments in child support, ...and a child, ...why did he choose this birth? I feel so sorry for the child and the courts render me powerless to intervene, and as important as a father is to a child, sometimes, just sometimes, ...even when we have well-honed values, we cannot be with the child. ...What will be is yet to come. Anyone who can recommend an attorney in Los Angeles? --Bob

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	The Rabbi's Story
	Zachary, almost one year old, sits on the floor playing with a pull-toy. I am a 51 year old father, two children in college, dismissed by the child's mother just after she discovered her pregnancy, who rather than engage me to discuss Zachary's needs, her needs, ...my needs, went directly to court to seek maximum child support. 51 years old, ...at the peak of my earning potential, growing older, the California Superior Court offers no consideration to the college expenses I shoulder for my two other sons; they are termed "adult children." The court pays no heed to how a support order of more than $2,100 per month will impact my ability to support my "adult children" through college, save for retirement, and later to survive as an older adult when I am unable to work. ...And in addition to $2,173 per month after taxes--more than $3000 per month before taxes, I must also pay 19% of any capital gains or other taxable benefits (before taxes)--bonuses, etc. to the mother. All this is done under the rubric of ensuring that the child should have a comparable standard of living as if he were living with both parents. And I should mention that were I to marry again and be unable to meet support requirements that my new spouse's income could be tapped. Last, apparently irrelevant in the court's eyes, is consideration that the mother was convicted by a jury of falsely accusing an ex-husband, ...and father of another child, of sexual abuse of that child--a charge, would it have been substantiated, that carries with it prison time and possible chemical castration in California. She was ordered to pay several hundreds of thousands of dollars in damages and judge-assessed punitive damages. ...So functionally, she then tricked another man--me--into paying for her court-assessed damages. ...But what of the child? Zachary sits playing on the floor, almost one, twisting and crushing paper. Alternatively he grimaces and squeals; ...I wonder if I'll have another diaper to change soon. He smiles at me as I type, and my time with him this week has almost ended. I guess I am a religious man, after all I am a rabbi. Thoughts go through my head, "Why did this child choose such an ignominious birth?" "Why me, --I thought I understood who this woman was?" I believed her when she said that the chances of her pregnancy were "a million to one," less than "the pill," less than using a condom or even a vasectomy. I mean, I am a rabbi; no one would lie to me!? I trusted her enough to pursue a loving, and what I thought was, a mutually affirming relationship. How could I have chosen so badly, chosen a woman who treats another human being, a rabbi and father of her child, in such a self-centered, self-serving fashion? Pregnancy. Two people discuss what will be. They decide how to go forward. There is consideration for each other's needs, each other's family situations. Throughout her pregnancy she refused to see me. She refused to discuss her financial needs. She had me served with court papers on Rosh Hashanah. "Talk to my lawyer," she said. "I'll take only what the court says." She wrote in her complaint that I was not there when she gave birth; she failed to mention that she never called me when she gave birth. This is so hard to write. I feel taken advantage of; I deeply seek to honor the child's birth and try to do that, seeing the child regularly and imagine seeking joint-custody, ...despite the potentially adverse impact it will make on my career and what I wanted in life at this stage. I feel embarrassment that I could have been caught in this sticky web. I find it hard to imagine that any woman will ever wish to date me seriously. It is hard to believe that a human being can treat another human being so badly. Bottom lines: bad representation by a major law firm; a so... self-centered mother; years ahead of court appearance for increases or adjustments in child support, ...and a child, ...why did he choose this birth? I feel so sorry for the child and the courts render me powerless to intervene, and as important as a father is to a child, sometimes, just sometimes, ...even when we have well-honed values, we cannot be with the child. ...What will be is yet to come. Anyone who can recommend an attorney in Los Angeles? --Bob