Lost in the Shuffle

Ron today is 24, yet, in his mind, he is somewhere around 13, perhaps. From his first breath, Ron was destined to a life of mental disability and not being able to achieve as a normal child. I can remember teachers who were cruel and uncaring, kids his own age, early on, who would taunt and harass him, and his rage that these things were happening and he did not understand.

He was only six months old when the child care worker brought him to us. We knew nothing of his birth family then, yet, right from the beginning we could see something. No matter. Kay and I wanted a family. Adoption was our only hope, and we wanted children. When Ron started school the problems began. The teachers would describe his instances of acting out, that he was a problem child. Wanting to cooperate, we followed their suggestions to have him evaluated. Not once, through many sessons with these professionals, were they able to pin-point the real problem. We would discover only later, and after much study, come to understand that Ron was a victim, the result of a birth mother who was herself an alcoholic and drug abuser. Who, by her own words to him, gave him away because she knew he would be "screwed up". Not only has Ronnie been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, there is also a history of mental health disease and alcoholism in his family background.

As Ron progressed in years, so did the enormity in his behavior and his difficulty with drugs and alcohol. Twice he spent time in juvenile facilities, the first for 14 months, the second for 12 (at the same facility). Nothing worked. His anti-social behavior continued to escalate. Oh, he would have periods of time that his mother and I were so hopeful, yet he would fall again and again. We tried to get help from the system time after time, to no avail. They would apply a "band-aid" and consider that they had done their job. There was (and is) no one who really cares. Yes, they have promised many times they were working to get Ron help. Over and over again, though, we have found, and firmly believe that it was their way of getting us off their backs for a brief reprieve, as we did become a thorn in their flesh.

Ron's difficulty with alcohol, and his obvious lack of control while under its influence, landed him many times in jail. His experiences there would only make matters worse. He would come back to us only more confused, and very angry. He clearly hated the authorities. Understand that my wife and I always had faith in and believed in the "system" and those who were in control, including the police. Ron would "drop" little comments about the authorities, especially the police, and, in his mind, they were the criminals. "One day you will see", he would say to us. Funny, the knowledge and insight he had about these things, while we were "blind" believers. Our experiences with Ron have given us a new perspective on these things, and, today, we are with new sight.

The problem today.....Ron has been in jail for over a year... charged with a misdemeanor, one court appearance that determined him to be incompetent and mentally disabled, produced nothing to help him. He is being kept in a cage, isolated from all others, and the courts are dragging their feet to get the proper help for him. Yes, we could bail him out of jail, but Ron has attempted suicide four times. His wrists bear the scars of these attempts. If Ron were on the street, he would not last at all. His needs are many, and we are not people of financial means. He is, however, still our son.....and we are beyond ourselves as to what to do. I will say again. The people of the system do not care, and they are in no hurry to get the proper mental health care for him. They say to us often....."Ron is causing trouble, and is violent and uncooperative". Certainly he is. I ask them to take one of their sons....one perfectly healthy. Consider their mental state if they were exposed to the rape,(that Ron was initially confronted with) isolated from all others continually, and locked in a cage for a year for 23 hours a day. Add to that the harassment inflicted by prison guards, and then understand why a scared and disturbed one would sit all day in a corner of a cell with a blanket over his head. Ron was not well at the beginning of this ordeal. Today, he is possibly over the edge......and they don't care.

Date: Mon, 10 Aug 1998 21:30:37 -0700
From: "Bob Yaussy" <Hvyheart@1st.net>